Mombie is mad!
I’m going to try and write this without editing it to make it sound nicer. Although to be honest I may never publish it. My family already have serious doubts about my mental state!
Today I am mainly angry. Frustrated. Pissed off.
I didn’t know I would feel this way as a mummy. And I thought it was just me, which made me feel incredibly guilty for all the belly anger and also massively lonely. Yet another mummy fail, I’m just not cut out for this parenting lark.
Then I spoke to some close mummy friends and they feel it too sometimes. So maybe it’s not just me, or maybe I have just surrounded myself with likeminded lunatics… Who knows?!
I can’t describe the rage that is going on inside my belly right now but after 11 months of not sleeping, and a particularly bad week of teething, summer colds (wtf?!) and a couple of days of constant crying and whining and whinging, I feel ready to scream. I am inwardly screaming. And outwardly fuming. I know I have a face like thunder today and I feel very sorry for my husband.
No. I don’t want to listen to the Tangled soundtrack for the millionth time.
No I don’t care if you fake cry all round Sainsburys because we don’t have the cake with the round bit on top (seriously?!)
No I don’t want you to wipe your snot all over me so I look like a complete mess every time I step out of the door.
No I don’t want to play doctors.
No I don’t want to be used as a human pillow.
No I don’t want to share my bed.
No I don’t want to pick up the drink that you have thrown onto the floor for the umpteenth time.
No the toilet is not for throwing all your toys into, nor can you climb in it.
No shoes are not teethers, nor are you a puppy.
No I can’t switch the TV on and get you a biscuit whilst I am walking in the door / putting the shopping away / changing your sister’s nappy.
Please just ask me nicely. Say please. Say thank you. Stop whining. Why are you crying?
Wtf is going on today? Did the wind change?
Just writing this all down has calmed me. Cathartic. That’s why I started this blog. To help me through the madness. The ups and the downs.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my girls more than life itself. When they’re ill, I wish I could take it all away, I’d rather be ill myself (at least then I wouldn’t have to listen to the whining, lol). But on days like today I just need 5 min. 5 min to feel human and not like Dawn of the Dead.
Thank god for gin. And the Beatles. (Just been introduced to Beat Bugs and it reminded me how awesome the Beatles were).
Roll on bedtime.